well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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