i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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