she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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