the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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