nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
