I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hello my rib-scented angel!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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