if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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