worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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