Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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