fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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