I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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