i think my mom watched the whole time
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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