...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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