Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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