1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
