Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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