He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
