my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
