too bad you live with your parents still
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
