i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
As shirtless as possible
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
