I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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