Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
