Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
