haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
