Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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