Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
not ubering you a puppy
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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