I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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