is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
