You're my little dorito
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
