and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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