she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
