can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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