he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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