Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
