first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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