Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away

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(416): View more from Ontario

Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital

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(315): View more from New York

idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.

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(703): View more from Virginia

no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.

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(917): View more from New York City

You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking

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(519): View more from Ontario

What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off

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(303): View more from Colorado

Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.

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