smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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