Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
