So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
