if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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