ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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