i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
