Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
