New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
