he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
