worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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