While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
