You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
