Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
