ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
