i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
