I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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