good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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