Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
