It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
