well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
