I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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