On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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