take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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