No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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