You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
