I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
