Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
