Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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