I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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