We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You were trust falling into bushes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
