Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
